Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
