peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize