We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
