Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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