Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
