I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
