there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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