Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
