I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
