So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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