Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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