What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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