She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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