Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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