I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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