Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
