3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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