I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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