Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
