im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
