Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
