We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize