I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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