is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
