Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
