He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
