Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
