by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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