Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize