Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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