I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
