Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
