I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
