youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
