Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
