Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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