I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
vagina is talking i cant
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I did not marry a roomba.
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