Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
