I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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