I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
