Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
