he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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