I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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