I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
