I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
