i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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