you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
