Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
nutella sex= disaster
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
