Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
