I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
