I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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