dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
