If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
