Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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