dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Randomize
