did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
