His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
