I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
