actually, I'm a sock model
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
