I can text with my tongue
I should be sponsored by Trojan
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
