I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
