you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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