i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
