who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
