One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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