awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Alive.
So much puke
That accounts for only three of the penises
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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