I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
