and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize