I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
