so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
