I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize